Corporate Factotum

Yesterday I got drunk by myself. I lost around $350 live betting baseball on teams I “knew” would come back. I had ChatGPT write theoretical scenes about what would happen if Charles Bukowski and Ulysses S. Grant met at a bar. I had ChatGPT replace Grant with a flamingly gay…

Gambling is illegal in Texas.  They have many poker rooms however.  They skirt the law by classifying themselves as “social clubs.”  You pay a club membership fee (daily/weekly/annual) along with an hourly fee to “use” the poker table.  This avoids them taking a rake or a small percentage of the…

I went to Phoenix.  I came home one night and a homeless person was sleeping on the couch.  They had eaten my food and thrown trash everywhere.  I called 911.  They sent 9 cops and a drone to remove the person sleeping on the couch.   I went to Albuquerque.  I walked…

I looked up from the poker table at the TV over the bar. TRUMP FOUND GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES The current hand ended and I pointed at the TV. “Trump was found guilty on all charges” Everyone turned to the TV and looked.  Ten seconds silently passed then everyone turned…

I have been a runner my entire life.  On my personal Venn Diagram of “Things I Enjoy Doing” & “Things I’m Good At” there is “Running.”  Here is how to run. When you wake up in the morning, go.  Run in the morning. Do not run on your lunch break. …

I went to Phoenix.   I booked an Airbnb downtown.  It was summer in Phoenix so Airbnbs were cheap. Phoenix becomes an oven in the summer.  I had my own bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and living room for cheap, so life was good. One night, after playing poker until around 10 PM,…

I have never liked Houston.  In my annual power rankings of Worst Cities in America, Houston is always #1.  Houston is miserably hot for most of the year.  You sweat more than a two-bit Thai whore on nickel night just walking down the street.  The traffic is horrendous.  Even people…

I took my middle seat on a Spirit flight from New Orleans to Dallas.  After a week in New Orleans I smelled like French Quarter piss.   I was flying to Phoenix and had a 6 hour layover in Dallas.  I chose this flight because it was the cheapest. And because…

I rarely eat salad, but one time, I felt like I needed to eat more.  So I ate one every day for 4 days.  On Day 4, I was unable to fart because every time I needed to fart, this green grass liquid would leak out of my asshole.  I…