Corporate Factotum

I took my middle seat on a Spirit flight from New Orleans to Dallas.  After a week in New Orleans I smelled like French Quarter piss.  

I was flying to Phoenix and had a 6 hour layover in Dallas.  I chose this flight because it was the cheapest. And because of the 6 hour layover, I could leave the airport and play cards.  A perfect combo.

I land in Dallas.  I grab an Uber and head to the cardroom.  I arrive and exit my Uber. Another Uber arrives two seconds later. A large cowboy gets out of the car. He looks at me.

“Yew here for the free money?” he asks me.

“Yes sir” I reply.

“I bin drinkin’ whiskey all mornin’” he says.

“Oh”

I put my name on the list.  It looks like they will start a new table.  They start a new table and call us over.

I take an end seat.  I like the end seats.  I can see everyone’s faces from the end seats.  The drunk cowboy from the parking lot sits next to the dealer.  I look at my phone.  It is 1:12 PM on a Wednesday.   I look around the table.  Three people are already drunk, including the cowboy.  I make a note: they like to drink in Dallas.

The giant cowboy drinks at least 13 more plastic cups of draft beer over the next few hours.  He refers to these as “main’tnce beers.”  

He talks to everyone.  He is friendly.  He is the table captain of talking.  He does not slur words nor get sloppy.  He is a professional drunk.  I am impressed.

A young Mexican gangster is also at the table.  He has lots of tattoos and wears lots of jewelry.  He is drunk.  He is also bad at poker.  A perfect combo.

The gangster proceeds to lose.  He rebuys and loses again.  He rebuys a third time and loses it to the professional drunk cowboy.  

“Ayyyy boys.  No more for me.  No more money.”  says the gangster.

The broke gangster wore a large metal bracelet of a snake. It slithered around his wrist, eating its tail.  The cowboy admired it from across the table.  

“Hell of a bracelet yew have there, young feller.  How much yew want for it?”

“Ayyyyyyy, meng.  I had this bracelet for 18 years.  Worn it every single day since then.  Ain’t for sale”

“Whad yew pay for it?” asked the cowboy

“$300”

The cowboy paused.

“I’ll give yew a hun’rd for it”

The gangster was offended.

“$100?!?  Are you loco, meng?!  I ain’t selling this to NO one.  Especially not for $100”

The cowboy paused.

“…two hun’rd”

The dealer dealt a hand.  A few seconds passed.

“Deal, meng.”

He took the snake bracelet off his wrist and slid it across the table.  Cowboy took two clean one hundred dollar bills from his leather billfold and passed them towards the former bracelet owner.

“If yew want it back later today, I’ll sell it back to yew for two hun’rd.  Tomorrow it’s three hun’rd”

The gangster took his two hundred dollars and rebought into the game.  He lost it in 15 minutes.