Corporate Factotum

I have never liked Houston.  In my annual power rankings of Worst Cities in America, Houston is always #1.  Houston is miserably hot for most of the year.  You sweat more than a two-bit Thai whore on nickel night just walking down the street.  The traffic is horrendous.  Even people from Atlanta complain about Houston traffic.

There are people that like Houston though.  I get the same response every time I talk to these idiots: “housing is so cheap”.  Yes.  Because no one wants to fucking live in that dump.

Houston is an underrated cultural melting pot however.  The affordable housing has made Houston the unofficial United Nations of cities in America.  Close your eyes and point at any random country on a map.  Houston has a neighborhood of those people.  Houston’s Chinatown is one of the more prominent international communities in Houston.  It has the best Asian food in America outside of California.  

I went to a Bahn Mi restaurant in Houston’s Little Saigon.  I believe the restaurant was called “Bahn Mi.”  The inside was dirty and had zero decor.  I knew it was going to be good.  The sweet small lady behind the counter helped me in her best broken English.

“You want Bahn Mi sandwich?”

“Yes please”

She showed me a large laminated picture with two sandwiches.  She pointed to the sandwich on the left.

“Vietnamese people like this one”

She pointed to the sandwich on the right.

“White people like this one”

I ordered the white people sandwich.  

She brought it out to me five minutes later.  I took my first bite.  GOD DAMN.  It was the best goddamn sandwich I’ve ever had in my goddamn life.  I turned back towards the lady to give her a thumbs up approval.  She had escaped to the kitchen.  I guess the key to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  I was ready to marry that little Vietnamese lady and move to Houston.